


A Crown of Her Own Creation

by Love_And_Hatred



Category: A Court of Thorns and Roses Series - Sarah J. Maas
Genre: Alcohol Withdrawal, Angst, F/M, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 00:26:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 659
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17756282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_And_Hatred/pseuds/Love_And_Hatred
Summary: This series will follow the events after ACoFaS through Nesta's eyes.Nesta has her own fate to carve out for herself, but it all does not seem that way to her. She must confront herself like she has never done before. She must acknowledge the things that she has pushed so far back in her mind. Though, to her, it seems as if all her hope is now lost and the point in even trying has been a lost concept for too long. Nesta learns through this journey her own form of hope, and once she leaves Illyria she comes to face herself to find the crown she has always deserved.





	A Crown of Her Own Creation

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is not going to have much to do with what was included in the summary because I wrote it more as an introduction to what I wanted the story to be set up as. Also, this is my first actual fanfic, so please forgive me if my characterization is off or my writing isn't up to par. Feedback is very welcome because of this fact!
> 
> Trigger Warning: Alcohol Withdrawal

Ch. 1

She fell down on the cold autumn ground with an unceremonious thud and muttered a string of curses. This was already hell, she thought. Life was moving at a pace that was able to not take any thought from her. It did what it wanted, and ignored her prayers all the way. This minor mishap should have been trivial to her but it was only the beginning of a dark period in her life. She was now an exile from a home that was never the one she wanted, and here she was now in a forest with nothing but shadows crawling all over it while her alcohol withdrawal kicked in.

She was sure she had walked far enough from the camp that she and Cassian had made along their way to Illyria; she had not wanted him to hear what was expected of being away from alcohol for the last two nights had done to her or have to spend a whole night near him. So here she was writhing on the ground in a dirt-stained dress, two feet away from her own vomit, and her body in unending pain. 

_ Alcohol. Alcohol. Alcohol. She fumbled through the cabinets, to find the amber liquid, the need for it only increased the determination to find it. There it was, all the way hidden in the back so that she could not reach it. She laughed a little at that; her own past, drunken self had thought that would lead her on a path to sobriety. Oh, how wrong she was. That past self did not understand whoever she was because she had ceased to look in the mirror a long time ago, lest she had the time to reflect on more than what it had shown her. And to that moment of pondering, she drank the liquor, embracing every scalding burn it sent down her throat. _

She had no alcohol to relieve herself of the pain and she had no one to call for. Well, she did have someone nearby but nothing in the world would allow her to let him help her. In fact, if there was a moment she was on the verge of dying from choking on her own spit, she’d rather have death claim her as it is than have him save her. It would just be one more thing to carry on the ever-growing weight of guilt on her shoulders. 

“Nesta–” Cassian had called out. 

Her thoughts quickly left the part on how she did not hear him nearby, to her fear and anger induced instincts. Though she did not speak just yet, the silence that filled the space in between them was unforgiving. He stood there as the tree’s leaves rustled, and he was afraid to get any closer. That fact should have affected her in some way by reminding her of what she had become. She had become what she once condemned and she had erased herself of the orderly mannerisms of a mortal that had once comforted her through its blessings of ignorance. 

“Hey, I’m here. Let me help.” Cassian had knelt down beside her and attempted to reach out but she swatted away his hand before he could get any” closer. “Nesta, please, I know you don’t want any help but  — ”

“Leave! Just go, I don’t want you here and I especially do not need the help of anyone!” It was so unlike her to speak this sporadically, but the lack of alcohol in her system was making her see red.

“No, you’re shaking and… dear cauldron,” 

And without the ability to resist anything on her own in her weak and frail state she didn’t leave herself to wonder about what Cassian had meant as he carried her off the ground and back to their camp but she did notice how a whole flock of birds lying on the forest ground that were much too still to be sleeping.

**Author's Note:**

> Yup, you made it through my first fanfic. Thanks and feedback is welcome!
> 
> Also, sorry if you were expecting more from this fanfic because of the summary, but I wrote it more for the fact that it would set up what I will be doing with the characters for later chapters.


End file.
